No-Affection

She speaks to me cold hearted
She doesn’t say I love you like she used to
She only commands
And I always follow
She speaks to me like if I was nothin
She tells me only bad
She never really shows she cares
Or even if she’s proud
I try so hard to earn
Whtever she has
I lose everyday a piece of my heart trying to please her
Yet I’m never right for her
I always do everything wrong for her
I do everything I’m told yet I’m still wrong for her
Will I ever be right for her
Cause it’s been 14 years and I still haven’t
Does it get any better
Will I be told I’m beautiful by her
Will I be told that nobody deserves me
Will I be told that I will be just right
Or will I not
Will I have to crave for her love for the rest of my life
Will I
Will she ever truly love me
Will she
Does she even truly see me as a daughter
Or as a mistake she made when she was young
And Ik I wasn’t planned but
How is it my fault mother
How?

I could care less if u gave me a chance or not with a life like this mother
Put me in adoption
give me away
leave me homeless
I am so sorry if I ruined ur life in ur teenage years
I’m sorry a million times sorry
But plz don’t treat me like nothing
Cause I am something
And I always feel like something
Until u walk in the room and take my hope
U rob me of my dreams and say life is cruel people will step all over u
U tell me I’m gonna end up crazy like u and my father
U tell me I don’t try hard enough and I’m a quitter
When I give it my all and I try over and over again
U make me feel as if I can never even be close to the perfect that is set in ur mind
I used to think I was perfect
Until u robbed me of that too
I’m not tryna be mean or foul it’s just how I feel
I’m human
Not perfect
I can make mistakes
ok
I can fail sometimes
But u make me feel as if I can’t
Ur the reason I’m unhappy
Now Jesus forgive me but I think I could be much better with out my mother or father

Phoenix Freedom Writer

What can i say about myself? I'm just trying to find away to let things go, and let my feelings show; Showing your true feelings can be real hard in this world.